Josh Keller was an avid skydiver, cave-diver, and muff-diver. He wrangled cattle, ran with the bulls, and raped a woman so diseased that when a friend borrowed a bra she immediately went blind with syphilis. But on June 23rd, between interesting activities, Keller died a mundane death.
Angela Keller, Josh's mother, notes, "That wasn't like Josh at all to die like that. He's usually so interesting." But just two weeks ago, seemingly void of surprise or intrigue, Josh Keller was struck with a heart attack in his average house while wearing a boring grey t-shirt and blue jeans.
Friends gathered to reminisce at Keller's now empty residence. "Everything Josh did was interesting," recalled long-time friend Bobby Buschelli. "Except this boring death. He could have at least died while on the way to do something interesting."
Keller's children echoed Buschelli's emotions as a recent pinky-swear declared referring to their somewhat-less-interesting-now father's death as anything but 'lame' was a $5 fine.
80-Year Old Cancer Patient Dies of Heart Disease
Patrick Weston, 80-year old Warsaw, MA resident and long-time cancer patient, finally lost his struggle with heart disease. Family members declared that Weston would be "honored like a cancer victim."
Gambler Bets He Can Survive 12-story Fall
Notorious Heartstown, PA gambling addict Samuel Flint died Wednesday shortly after betting friends he could survive a fall from the roof of a 12-story building. Tim Jenkins, co-worker and winner of the bet, used the profits in Flint's honor when later that week he shoved it into the hootch of a dirty stripper.
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