Ever since the release of Coke Zero, Coca-Cola stock has been on the rise. And with Cherry Coke Zero finding similar success it seemed the zero-calorie, health-food trend was only increasing in the carbonated beverage market.
But with the recent launch and bomb of Diet Coke Plus, a cola with vitamins and minerals added directly into the drink, the food and drink industry is questioning the longevity of the health kick in America. Some companies are even viewing the failure of Diet Coke plus as a sign that the trend is reversing and soon consumers will be seeking new products with even more calories.
In a recent press release, Coca-Cola CEO Neville Isdell announced plans for the newest Coke product: Coke Million. "We are thrilled with the success of Coke Zero, but we cannot be content. With new Coke Million we will appeal not only to the healthy Americans, but the fatties and gluttons as well." And with obesity becoming an ever-increasing epidemic in the United States, Isdell is predicting Coke Million to be a hit.
Food enthusiast and local fatass Carl Hilton recalls his own predicament. "Whenever I go to McDonald's, Burger King, Taco Bell, or any other fast food restaurant I struggle to find the size drink that fits me. The closest I've ever come is the 7-Eleven Xtreme Big Gulp." But with the Xtreme Big Gulp only providing 52-ounces of soda at a time, translating to a meager 650 calories, obese Americans are finding it nearly impossible to quench their thirst.
Coke Million will mirror the Coca-Cola flavor, but will only come in one size: mini-keg. The new mini-kegs will provide consumers with over 2200 calories per serving, or 210% of their daily carbohydrate allowance and over 570 grams of sugar - "Enough sugar to kill a small child," Isdell proudly confirmed.
"I'll never be thirsty again!" shouted an elated Hilton between bites of Triple Whopper. And the best part of the new Coke Million? It will be sold in all stores and restaurants that carry Coca-Cola products by Christmas.
The new beverage is anticipated to cost $23, but each customer receives a hand-stamp allowing them free refills for the rest of the day, making it well worth the price of admission.
A successful launch will yield significant opportunity for the Coca-Cola Corporation and all of its stock holders. Plans for flavored versions of the new drink are currently in the works. But instead of Cherry Coke Million or Coke Million with Lime, the new line will team up with Mars Incorporated to launch Milky-Way, Twix, and Snickers flavors of Coke Million. The soda will not actually be flavored, but the keg will come with chunks of the actual candy bars mixed in with the beverage, offering consumers a special treat and an easy way to maintain their weight, hassle free.
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