Ingredients: Hope; Opportunity; Trust; Bald Eagle Tears
It is a craze that is sweeping the nation and capturing the endless, unquestioning, often misguided love and trust of today's youth. A drug as potent as LSD and as addictive as heroin. Patriotism. But this drug makes you feel as good as a white man getting a promotion over a minority or woman without all of the nagging side effects of most illegal narcotics or racial slurs.
Perhaps that is why the FDA overwhelmingly approved the sale of Patriotism last Thursday.
"Patriotism is a lucrative business and we believe the government is probably as good as anyone to monopolize that business," said FDA Public Relations Chair Harvey Listler.
But allegations have begun to surface claiming the government is planning on out-sourcing all the jobs that will be created in the production of Patriotism. White House Secretary of Public Relations, Leslie Baker, responded, "While it is regrettable that the sale of Patriotism will not create jobs for hard-working Americans we should focus on the positives. We will now be able to buy all the Patriotism we need: flags; pennants; t-shirts; novelty key chains; postcards; textbooks; cell-phone covers; ringtones; pants with little American flags on them; and boxers with Uncle Sam saying "I want you!" and pointing where the penis would be.
"Think of it this way," Baker continued, "We're outsourcing jobs, but we are insourcing freedom."
Baker's response was largely criticized as comedian Chris Rock declared, "Of course they outsourcing the Patriotism jobs. Thank God they outsourcing those jobs! Cause you know if they made that shit here it wouldn't say Made in China or Made in Ecuador. It'd say Made by some poor niggas!"
But despite the political backlash that former President Bush is experiencing for his support of the outsourcing, he is standing strong by his decision. "I truly believe that we deserve Patriotism... but so do the Americans born and raised in foreign countries."
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