Arlington, TX
Mr. Peanut, the American icon, was found dead in his apartment Friday morning in a small cottage in East Arlington. A call was made to paramedics at 9:12am by wife Mrs. Peanut after finding her husband unconscious and not breathing. Seven minutes later when the EMT arrived, it was too late.
Resuscitation attempts were delayed by Mr. Peanut's saltiness as the would-be rescuers were forced to take constant water breaks to rehydrate. "It was like giving mouth-to-mouth to a bullion cube," said Pat Blinket, a disheartened medic. "We did everything we could, but it just wasn't enough to save that delicious little man."
An autopsy revealed the death was the result of an extreme allergic reaction to the protein found in peanuts. Mr. peanut's assistant, Tony Goebl, commented in a TV interview the morning after the accident, "He was quite the handful, pun intended. It's ironic that the world's most famous peanut is allergic to himself. I had to make sure he never got stressed out, cause if he did he would lick his lips and die."
Mr. Peanut was 90 years old. He was best-if-eaten-by 2012.
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