Employee Fires Boss

Spokane, WA

  Since the opening of the Northtown Mall Starbucks the uptown area has received a double-shot of energy. From Mocha Frappuccinos to Grande Caramel Lattes, mall patrons are drinking in the opportunity to sip as they shop. But the mood was anything but grande Monday afternoon when, in a startling turn of events, newly hired employee Tanya Ferguson fired her boss.

  "I just didn't like him," commented 16-year old Tanya as she handed a customer a tall coffee. "It was always about what he wanted, never about me." Monday Ferguson was subjected to another bout of selfish management from recently promoted Cody Gorman when the line was out the door and Gorman asked her to stop smoking by the muffins and help make the orders.

  "I asked her politely to help the rest of the staff, but then she just flipped out and fired me! How am I supposed to make rent, now?" wept Gorman, halfway through a chocolate-caramel brownie.

  Gorman took over the Northtown Mall location in January after successfully implementing the unique Starbucks ordering lingo into the everyday vocabulary of the guests in Maplewood. Long-time coffee drinker Sue Boler was one of the first to buy in to the Starbucks language. "It's more of a mindset than a drink. My order changes depending on if I'm feeling tall, grande, or vente. And since I started speaking Starbucks I know exactly what to order if I'm having a frappy day."

  But no amount of whip-cream could sweeten Gorman's bitter day. Eye-witnesses claim that following the incident, the newly-unemployed manager took off his apron and threw it at Ferguson shouting, "You're not the boss of me! I quit!"

  "In hindsight, she wasn't the boss of me," Gorman realized, less than twenty-four hours after hanging up his green Starbucks visor for the last time. The depressed ex-manager spent the night following his firing prank-calling the Starbucks delivery window and ordering pornographic videos under his roommate's name. One gallon of Edy's Peppermint ice cream later, Gorman received a call from the owner of the Northtown Starbucks.

  Owner and long-time friend Joshua Orton regrets the situation, but claims it was out of his hands after Gorman spit in a senior citizen's drink. "Who orders a black coffee at Starbucks!" retorts Gorman. "The bastard can't even order right! It's tall, not small!"

  Ferguson later quit after Gorman's replacement was discovered to be "a fascist."